Nurse: I want to check the results on a urine culture.
Me: That specimen was submitted earlier today so there are no results yet.
Nurse: But I ordered it STAT and the doctor is waiting on the results.
Me: Cultures require an incubation period and take time to grow so they are not considered a STAT test.
Nurse: Isn’t there something you can do to speed it up? Can you let them know that it’s urgent?
Me: I’ve tried negotiating with these organisms before, but they never seem to listen.
Nurse: Maybe if you tell them it’s for a pediatric patient it would help.
Me: I’ll pass the message along, but I’m pretty sure the bacteria won’t grow any faster. They are stubborn like that.
Nurse: Well okay…just try your best.
Submitted by:
Donna Shaw
Medical Technologist/Scientist
Maryland, USA
Dr. Wanting to know why her covid is not done yet.
Me: “I’m sorry it’s not done yet. There are just so many of them. I’ve moved it to the front so it will be the next one.”
Dr.: “It’s stat.”
Me: “They’re all stat. The routines get sent out.”
I had a resident call down once wanting to know how long his blood culture results would take, he sent the bottle hours ago. I said, well, it’s a culture. He goes, yeah I know. I’m like, so it has to grow 🤦🏼♀️.
This helps 🥴
love this‼️Dr. Agar that is really tongue in cheek clever
Put some growth hormones in that broth
thats not how this works, thats not how any of this works. SUPER STAT.. LOL!
Nicole Paquette I once had a doctor ask me if I could turn the incubator temperature up to make it grow faster….😂😂😂
I’ve offered to put some romantic music on. That got a laugh at least.
I’ve had to explain, to people who graduated from medical school, that the fresh frozen plasma they asked for is not available immediately because it is not a liquid, but rather a solid as indicated in the name of the product, and it’s going to take half an hour before it’s ready to issue no matter much they yell at you.
I’ll go talk to the plates and tell them to grow faster.
Once, a nurse asked how long for the wound culture results, because she had to call the doctor…My response was ” I’ll ask it to grow really, really fast for you”